Well it's New Year's Eve and a time when I'm usually excited to reflect on the year gone by and the year ahead. We have certainly had some great times, some sad times and my kids have grown up way too fast!
Right now I'm finding it really hard to get into the excitement of 2013. While I am ever so grateful to be married to a wonderful man and have two beautiful healthy children I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I know that the year ahead is going to bring some very difficult times. I know that in the following year it is more than likely my husband will lose his father and my children their grandfather.
The last several months have been extremely difficult for our little family. My father-in-law is very ill and we've been told that we could lose him anytime but in no certain time frame. The suggestion of a year was responded with unlikely. Currently he is hospitalised but soon arrangements will be made to his future living arrangements whether full time care at home or care in a home. My husband has been under an extreme amount of stress related to this. He has had to take over all his affairs, attended lots of meetings, filled out mountains of paperwork and sorted out some very complicated financial issues. There is so so so much more and I won't be going into all the details. I seriously don't know how my husband has still managed to run a business so well and professionally whilst spending time with his children and me. I love him dearly and my heart breaks to see him so emotionally, mentally and physically pushed to his limits.
One thing I do know was that if we had not taken gone away with his family for Christmas and had a well earned holiday he may well have had a breakdown. We don't have a lot of help with the kids, they are in our care pretty much 24/7. We were lucky enough in November to have family take the girls for a day at their house and that was pure bliss. I know many of you are in the same boat. I also know that it's just life and that everybody is busy with their own problems but it still doesn't change the fact that it's just plain hard at times. One other thing I have learnt is that kid's certainly do pick up on stress and it reflects in their behaviour. I've had those moments of despair and exhaustion where I've sat on the kitchen floor and cried a bucket load of tears.
Going away camping with my MIL and her husband over Christmas gave us some time out from our kids even though they were only a few meters away. Someone else was there to help give them breakfast, change nappies and entertain them. Isn't it amazing how wonderful it is to be able to have a conversation with your husband with the constant interruptions. It was such a beautful time with our kids and we will treasure those memories forever. We both feel recharged in ourselves, as a couple and as a family.
I'm going to need all that recharged energy to get my house back in order and finish lots and lots of projects I have on the go. What a mess my house is at the moment! While I love have a neat and tidy house I know that life sometimes gets in the way and in the end it what really matters is love and hugs and more love.
Sorry for such a non positive post but I've been meaning to write about this for a while. I'll be very nervous when a hit the publish button but I wanted you to know why sometimes I just disappear for a while, don't post for ages or forget to respond to comments. Life's a juggle at the moment and sometimes I drop balls!
I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating the new year and wishing you all
lots of good things and great moments in 2013!